Do blessings come randomly?

I have struggled with the whole back thing for awhile (bulging disc in my LS-51). Sometimes it's so frustrating I want to just let myself go and eat Pistacchio ice cream every day rather than seek out the true help I need.
Basically, I had an accident one day - that night I'd be trying to dance the can-can, mind you - last May. I'm a dancer but we're not the most graceful creatures while not performing. I fell off the bathroom sink while giving myself a pedicure! Straight onto my back. It sucked and to make matters worse, I ate pine nuts that night (deathly allergic) and went into anaphylactic shock in a matter of minutes.
The days that followed were full of soul-searching. I'd just broken up with my fiance, I was hurting in many ways and I now had witnessed first-hand how fragile life was and how quickly it could change on you.
The months that followed that were full of questions and since then the questions have just seemed to become bigger and bigger, multiplying day-by-day.
Basically, what the heck am I going to do? The pine nuts thing has an easy peasy solution. Don't eat them...
But the back - oh the dang back, in control of the rest of my body - can give me hell some days.
And my nephy Smith has given me a preview to coming attractions - some days I won't be able to throw my own children in the air if I don't do something lickity split!
Solutions? Answers?
After a $500 MRI which I'm still paying for, I talked to a physical therapist in the office and he told me that it's not my LS-51 but my hip joints... Hm.
Kenny and I got an inversion table. That's supposed to be good for a whole slew of things, including bulging discs, joint problems and even problem hips (like Kenny has - yay)

Anyway I'm rambling - this post is about blessings! I have had trouble finding an activity that I can do for cardio without putting to much strain on my back. Rollerblading is about a 4 out of 10 on the pain scale - not bad. I used to run every day - that's out. RB'ing is about the closest thing. I'm moving, I'm sweating, I'm listening to music, I'm happy : )

I haven't been able to rollerblade much lately (an activity I love VERY much) and it was honestly making me feel like I was letting my blades down. They were shoved in the closet. Lonely, forgotten. Well, I strapped 'em on today, folks!
In North Hollywood, running all the way to Burbank, there's a little gem called the "Chandler Bike Path" (It's on Chandler). It's 3 miles of pure path. And buddy, if I didn't freak the other pedestrians and bikers out today with my ear-to-ear smile, then I sure did with my overenthusiastic rollerblade saunter! (Is it just me or do you ever think - If I weren't me, I'd be annoyed by me...?)

I felt like the heavens had waited to show me this until today. Things had been looking grim for me and my fitness, with the whole "boycotting the gym" but "can't run" thing. I like walking in the park but sometimes that hurts too and you don't get that RUSH, you know?

Thank the Lord for the Chandler Bike Path!

I had to sit at the far end of it before heading home (to find shade, rest a spell, text Kenny). When I stood up, I had dog poo on my hand. I laughed. It was probably God being like "Don't stress the little things." Course I could be wrong. It could've been the dog. Dog. God?

The world may never know...

Above, Pictured, me looking normal in Julius Caesar at Theatricum Botanicum, where I met Kenny : ) and above it, on the night my life changed. But hey, maybe THAT, the "life moves fast, yo" message, was the real blessing - the world may never know that either!

Is it hard to focus on church/rest on the Sabbath?

I know God commands that we rest on the Sabbath but sometimes that's about as hard as upholding His commandment that we forgive those who trespass against us.

I used to have to miss church for Satin Dollz rehearsal but Allison, our producer and one of my bf's, now does some shifting around so that I can go to church. It's so wonderful!

Maybe because I teach dance (the Satin Bellz) in the morning before the service on Sundays, I'm so wound up (and sometimes emotionally invested in what's gone on), it's hard to just roll up to First United Methodist of North Hollywood and turn that stuff off. I sometimes am able to relish the service and completely take it in. Sometimes, however, like yesterday, I was having a lot of trouble focusing! Remember the gym Friday? I'd done some kind of back machine and that took its toll, not to mention I "felt like a woman" and I couldn't stop fidgeting. (On that subject, did they make pews uncomfy on purpose?) I also was holding auditions for a Shakespearean play last night and knew Kenny and I had much to do when we got out of church. But those aren't very good excuses!

I have the fondest memories of being in New Life Singers (the high school choir at VHUMC) and how much powerful joy it brought me every week. I truly do miss that element of my youth most of all. I think about it quite frequently, wishing that I had a recording of us singing those wonderful songs (although I do remember them all in my head).
River in Judea; Come to the Table; Here I Am, Lord; Siyahamba; and a lot more that I can't think of right now - they just pop into my head sometimes - and I let them : )

Pastor Joey gives these beautiful sermons, he always makes us laugh at least once. But yesterday, during "In the midst of crisis and chaos, hope lives," I must have missed something. All of a sudden, everyone was giggling and I found myself just joining in with their laughter, wishing I knew what we were laughing about because I had been thinking about something else. Something outside of this sanctuary, outside of this church! Too bad, I'm sure it would have been quite poignant!

Pastor Joey always writes "Reflections" which are stuffed into the bulletins for each service. I was reading yesterday's and one paragraph states:
"We live in an age where our belongings can possess us and our identity can surpass our individual personality." Do I feel like that's directed toward me? I sure do! I was letting food and people, activities and plans get in the way of my worship experience. And part of my "identity" is loving the service, taking it all in.

Last week Pastor Joey started to quote a martyred African pastor when he got choked up. "Live simply. Love generously. Leave the rest to God." I got teary-eyed too. More profound words were never spoken! It seems so easy. But I'm in the habit of living in complexity. I don't love my neighbors as generously as I should. And I certainly don't leave enough buttons in the control tower to God. I'm working on those three things - that's a tall order!

The choir sang "Just As We Are" which I must say was the most I've enjoyed the FUMC choir thus far. Their harmonies were pretty and the message was clear.

Lord, you love me just as I am. You love us just as we are. That's awesome.

My goals:
-Live as simply as I can
-Love my neighbors as generously as possible, just as they are!
-Leave the rest to God
-Try to focus on not worrying so much about everything else!

Here's a choir singing River in Judea, which is a song about wanting to be "Where Jesus lives," as my dad would say. A place where you feel completely at peace, totally restful, absolutely satisfied.

Is the gym like a meat market?

I haven't been a member of a gym since Bally Total Fitness burned me horribly in 2006. They fraudulently lured me into a 3-year contract and it ended badly (with me giving them hundreds of dollars to save my credit score). I googled it then and you could probably see even now that I'm not the only one. They've done it to thousands of consumers.
So the other day I got a free 3-day (in a row) pass to L.A. Fitness so that Jupinko (a fellow Satin Doll) and I could get a workout in and then I could teach her some tap dances. She told me she was a "slow learner" but I'd like to note here that she is not.
They made me answer some questions and take a test, which told me I'm in fair to poor health! At the time, I was like "Oh my goodness" but looking back, I think that is one of their tactics for getting you to sign up for membership... The guy took me on a grand tour of the gym, which really cut into my workout/practice time but I completely understood. When he finally cut me loose I had 10 minutes on a machine - believe me, I still got some serious sweat going after how long it's been since I hurt my back! Then Jupinko and I rushed into the big empty dance class room to practice.
I couldn't go on Thursday and I went back today (my final day) on my own.
What I marveled at, and even now can't believe, is how many rows and rows of machines there were. How many perfectly-chiseled, sweating bodies were in there, checking each other out, not really talking to each other (unless they were friends). I understand it goes with the territory of being an actor and living in Hollywood - I get it. And yes, I want to have a good body, be in good shape, feel good, but I don't want to have to spend the time earning that physique in front of 230219820 strangers. The machine I got on Wed. smelled like the worst kind of b.o. and I got on it again today and it still smelled that way - I wiped it down a couple of times cause I just couldn't bear it today. The other day I was at least with a buddy and it made working out so much more bearable. But today I felt uncomfortable, alone, judged. I felt like "Oh, they're all wondering why I'm wearing a tie-dyed shirt." "Why did I wear these shorts?" "I can't wait to get out of here."
It made me kind of resolve to continue my "boycotting of gyms" simply because they're not an Adrian-friendly zone. People aren't smiling and being friendly. They're sweating and exchanging with you at the very least a quick glance. And I don't have a tight enough butt or a thick enough skin to carry my head high in there. Not yet. Maybe some day.
F.Y.I The tour guide/You're-in-poor-health guy just called me and told me a special discount offer just became available today so call him back asap! - - forgive me if that kind of phone call reminds me of Bally politely calling Mr. Adrian Borden while they punched me in the face.
Sorry for the bitter feelings, folks but I'll stick to "walks in the park" and at-home ballet barre for now : )